I talked a little bit last week about the fact that we sold my cute little Khaki, a 2005 Honda Element, but I thought she deserved her own post.
Let me start by saying that I have had a few cars in my life some of which were loved, some not so much. Khaki was definitely in the love category. She was initially bought to provide the dogs with a roomy area to travel to and from the manny. She was also low enough to accommodate our aging Husky and eventually aging Boxer. Khaki really was their car, and that was never more evident than when we all traveled together. Measuring out the livable space for the dogs versus the humans was quite hilarious as we realized the dogs had a roomy 2/3 of the cabin and we were cramped up in the other 1/3! They loved it, and after all we did get it with them in mind.
As I drove Khaki to the dealership, it hit me like a bus that in a few minutes I would be free of a vehicle in my name for the first time since I was 16. As is expected, when you get a car as a teenager it symbolizes freedom and independence. It's a rite of passage that we as adults take for granted, viewing the car as necessity. Driving down the road I began to have a heavy feeling in my chest, and an overall sense of dread. Although I know better now, at the time it felt like I was giving away a part of me. The independent me. Now before you go getting worried about my marital bliss/independencelessness let me say that the whole time I was upset I kept doing this whole schizophrenic "It's a CAR! What are you upset about, you baby!" "Oh my God I don't have my own transportation!" My brain was being logical, but my heart was doing what hearts always do.
So even though I walked away with $2400 extra from the sale, for a couple of days after I felt like I left a huge part of myself at the dealership. I know now that it was a symbolic loss. As stupid as it sounds, it felt like a loss of identity. I don't mind telling you that sitting in the driveway crying over my car really threw me for a loop. Crying over a car? What is happening to my hormone-wrought brain?!!!
Needless to say, all is well now. I felt sad and at a loss for a couple of days, but that soon faded and was replaced by a feeling of accomplishment as we finally became a one-car family. Khaki has gone on the serve a nice little old lady or as a first car for a boy with a dog (my fantasy) and we have our lovely ladies of the carport, Maude and Rhoda. All's well.
176: Hamilton Slash Fiction
5 days ago