Dear Across the Street Neighbor:
I'd like to take this opportunity to inform you of a couple of tips for being a good member of a neighborhood community. I hope you will appreciate, enjoy, and possibly use a tip or two.
Your dogs belong to YOU. The entire southeast section of the neighborhood doesn't want to share in the parenting duties, dootie duties, or have to run for their lives as one of your three dogs chase them down the road.
You have a fenced in back yard. I know this for a fact because as I asked you to keep them from leaving presents in MY front yard you sighed pathetically, "I'm trying to put up a fence!" Have you thought of actually using that fenced area for the dogs? I'm quite sure it would contain them. Plus, your retired sleeping neighbors would appreciate it.
So, all that being said, why is it that at 5:20 this morning I hear you calling out into the neighborhood for your dogs? I rolled my eyes and thought bad words about you which is normal. I refrained from calling you my usual pet name " Oaf " You're welcome. But now it's 6:00 and you are again calling/whistling/clapping for them. WTF? So your dogs have been roaming the neighborhood for 40 minutes free to pee, poop, dig, and bark in everyone else's yards, not to mention the fact that not everyone is awake at 5 or 6 am. Truth be known you just woke my lovely from her restful slumber. (shakes fists)
Is it any wonder that you are one of the topics at almost every homeowners association meeting, or that I fling your dog's poop back in your yard every chance I get? I've got enough to clean up in my back yard without worrying about stepping in your dogs cheap ass dog food dooties. Yes, I can tell a difference.