dum-de-dum-dum

I was planning on live blogging tonight's final debate for the office of President, but after the news that Nancy Reagan has broken her pelvis, I thought better. Instead, I am launching an investigation onto the recent health related problems surrounding major political figures and how John McCain figures in each of those events:

#1 Did Ted Kennedy really have a seizure the day of the first debate which resulted in hospitalization due to his current brain tumor condition, or did John McCain slip into his home and turn on strobe lights to induce said seizure?

#2 Did Dick Cheney have legitimate heart problems today, the day of the final debate, or did McCain secretly plug up a microwave up outside of the VP residence and jack it up to high? Hmmm?

#3 Finally, I have a sneaking suspicion that if you were to consult the secret service tapes at the Reagan home, you might find images of John McCain tackling poor little Nancy and cracking her pelvis, thereby giving him the ability to elicit sympathy for yesteryear at the opening of tonight's debate. I'm just sayin'...

People, these events seem a bit shady. A bit like opportunity for John McCain to take the focus off himself and his failing campaign. I have gathered a crack team of investigators to look into my assertions. I look forward to hearing their findings.