I now bring you the absolute best reason to subscribe to Showtime, immediately:

Jennifer BealsYes, yes she IS ripping her pants off...

Somebody's been doing Pilates...

Happy President's Day!

Join me in celebrating our current president, George W. Bush!

Our dear Georgie will go down in history as the most ineffective, inept, feckless, and dishonest president in history.

Check out a lengthy list of inadequacies our fearless leader has compiled.

Be assured, it's not finished.

Have a great holiday!

you know she's no good

I have gone on the record as recently as last year to state that we have a plethora of drug adled starlets in our midst. Clearly we have met our quota. I have lumped Amy Winehouse into that sad group, and rightly so. Her offstage, and sometimes onstage antics have plopped her squarely in that mix. I mean really...just do a YouTube search for yourself.

I am, however, smart enough to seperate the girls social antics from her sheer and undisputed talent.

I watched the Grammy's Monday afternoon (tip: always TiVo awards shows) with high hopes for her victory and rise from the ashes. I was not dissapointed. Amy came away as the clear winner and ultimately we, the consumer, are so much the better for it. Her style, and flair for the early days of the girl group sound of the 60's meshes intriguingly with her chest thumping gansta rap shout-outs. I personally can help but giggle when she performs because it is somewhat quirky and endearing.

That being said, I watched her accept her gold grammophone statues with a look on her face that was truly sad and touching. When her name was announced, an expression of disbelief and surprise covered her face. As this unfolded all I could think of was the little girl inside who was genuinely surprised that millions of people really like her and appreciate her talent. It was as if this little girl has been so lost in the world of drugs, that the true reality of life and the success of her adult career were somehow kept from her.
My hope is that this new realization helps keep this young girl on the path to rehabilitation. I'll be rooting for her.

This just in from the "No Shit Sherlock" Department

Miracle Mike

“Well I didn’t major in math, I majored in miracles. And I still believe in those, too." ---Mike Huckabee

Is it just me or is this really mixing church and state? I mean, are these supporters really voting for someone who relies on miracles rather than math? Sounds similar to our current no-science administration. Huckabee takes every opportunity to fling his preacher status into the political ring. Thank God for math because Huckabee has no chance of garnering the number of delegates needed to recieve the nomination.

jai guru deva om

I just finished watching "Across the Universe" a film directed by the brilliant Julie Taymor. It's a groovy little film that is set in the 60's but honestly spoke to political landscape of today just as easily. It's eerie how things from that time in history slide right into our struggles of today.

The film is beautifully done and features some up and coming actors that will no doubt make their mark on the mainstream soon. Even if they don't, I'm glad I know about them. In particular, Evan Rachel Wood has a brilliant career about to unfold. Natural.

The film reminded me somewhat of "Hair", but more importantly reminded me of the brillaince of The Beatles, both as a group and as individuals. Absolutely genius. I hope you check it out.

Does this make me a bad person?!

Some of you know that my lovely is away for a few days at the Parker Seminar in Las Vegas. I was suposed to go, but the dog sitters went on vacation this week so I needed to stay here. How dare they.
Historically, the first night in the house alone, I don't sleep well. I'm up a lot, I'm nervous, I'm afraid I will sleep walk and do something stupid and there will be no one here to stop me...you get the idea. And that is again what happened. So last night, night #2, I was looking forward to sleeping like a baby due to exhaustian from the previous night. All was going well. I fell asleep at a respectable hour and was indeed sleeping like a baby until 2:30 am when the house alarm went off. Ever had this happen? On a normal night when we are all here, it is extremely unsettling. Couple that with the fact that I am home alone and sheer panic and terror set in as well as being jolted awake from a dead sleep. By the way, this occurance does wonders for depleting your adrenals!
So the alarm company calls to make sure we aren't under attack, and to get the passcode which makes sure I am not the intruder. Hyperventilating, I give the code and ask which door is the problem and wouldn't you know it's the one RIGHT NEXT TO THE CONTROL PAD and I need to enter the code to shut off the ear piercing alarm
Did I mention I am here alone and, by the way, the dogs don't even bother to get up and protect me!
Long story short, I know right, there is no intruder, but one of the door sensors is acting up...possibly. Crime Prevention Monitors, here's a tip: SPEAK IN ABSOLUTES! There should be NO guessing when it comes to a possible break-in and your conversations with the homeowner!

So here is the part where I might be a bad mother/person: I made Mason walk into all the closets and bathrooms on the first floor while I stood away with my finger on the last 1 of 911 which I dialed just before sending him off to forcibly protect me. I'm awful.

I, like most pet owners, think that my children are smart, clever, and intutive. They pick up tricks easily enough and demonstrate their wits on a daily basis via obedience, or lack thereof. Clearly there is something going on upstairs, so I never question their abilities.

That all ended yesterday. We are having a screen enclosure installed over the new pool and Mason and Karly just can't seem to get the hang of the fact that THERE IS A SCREEN at the edge of the patio. They have both run into it, head first at a trot...twice. This is only day 2 of having a screen, so it looks to be long week.

I guess I shouldn't be too disappointed in them...a squirrel got trapped in there this morning. Damn screens... how dare they be all screeny and everything...

Whuuut?!!!

Okay, does THIS qualify as 'high crimes and misdemeanors'?

Sounds more like a game of "Mother May I".

A girl can dream.

Attention Frontyardigans: Curtail the poopies,

or Jesus gets it!

OMG! This is hysterical!

I can see where this is a valid news story, but don't you think the headline could have been more delicate?!

Inhaling Pig Brains May Be Cause of New Illness

You remember the hoopla raised a few weeks ago regarding Hillary Clinton crying on the campaign trail? Of course. Who could forget the stink that raised.
Well, I heard an interesting take on that moment of human emotion Hillary shared. The media made such a big deal about it, and she was scrutinized from both ends for being either a weak female or a manipulative politician, take your pick. Here's the question that escaped us all:

Why aren't all the candidates crying about the state of our country? Aren't we in such a political, economic, and spiritual mess that all candidates should be moved to tears by motivation to clean up Bush's debacle? Hmmm.

This morning on GMA, Rudy Giuliani claimed he "ran an uplifting campaign" oh really?
How uplifting is it to be reminded constantly of the worst day in modern American history?

9/11


9/11


9/11


9/11


Pause the music on the sidebar, watch this clip and see how the rhetoric spreads and catches on. Hilarious! It's no wonder his campaign flopped!

Last night watching the election results roll in, I found it interesting that MSNBC tripped over itself repeatedly to make sure you, the viewer, understood that Hillary's win in Florida didn't mean anything. Nothing. Zero. Hollow.
I honestly don't know how much less of a fanfare they could have made it. Even as and, after she addressed supporters, a standard on election nights, Matthews and Olbermann kept taking shots.
I am perfectly aware that we currently will have no delegates to seat, but what was the harm in thanking us? She did not campaign here, just like the other Dem candidates, but she did stop by last night to say thanks after a resounding victory votewise. I mean, we, the individual voter do count don't we?
I know I probably have a small chip on my shoulder regarding this issue right now, but it seems no matter what she does it is WRONG. I mean really, when was the last time you heard a positive story come out about her from any news channel. It's just getting old and predictable.

Florida Primary Day

Well, I guess you know this is the cutest thing I've seen all week...

Tomorrow, January 29th, is my primary voting day and I have decided to endorse Hillary. Check the Google news page later today for this press release. I'll be on The Rachel Maddow Show and Countdown with Keith Olbermann tonight as well. Fox News will no doubt spin it in this type of headline news story "g8rlane endorses Hillary in a Snub to Obama"

Separated at birth?

So has this presidential primary campaign turned into a battle of the Republican-middle-aged-washed-up-I-thought-I-was-an-action-hero-that-people-still-cared-about competition?

Stallone supports McCain

Norris supports Huckabee

Isn't it nice to know that some people, people you know, are looking to these two injected pillars to help them decide on a PRESIDENTIAL candidate! Yikes!

Rock on, Albert!

This morning driving to work I listened to The Bill Press Show on XM, and was absolutely giddy to hear the sound clip of Al Gore taking a stand, no parsing--no waffling, on gay marriage and equal rights for gays and lesbians.

“Gay men and women ought to have the same rights as heterosexual men and women — to make contracts, to have hospital visiting rights, to join together in marriage, and I don’t understand why it is considered by some people to be a threat to heterosexual marriage…”

I was also extremely happy to hear the question that evolved out of this story as well:
Do Gore's comments push the Democratic party to finally pick a stance?
No parsing. No waffling. Let's hope so.

Watch Al's awesome, inspiring, chest pounding comments here.

Buffet of ..

OK, I think we can all agree..it's the ". ." we're all worried about right?..

shudder

Toodles Fred!

What?! No More "Law and Border"?

I'm not kidding folks, this is one of Fred's bumper stickers. Unfortunately, I've seen it on trucks right here in town...tsk tsk (sadly shakes head)

Now really...did he ever have a chance with this kind of publicity?

The cheese factor is waaay too high.

thank you, Martin

still hot

Well, Season 5 of "The L Word" is under way and in case there was ever a question... yes, Jennifer Beals is still sooo hot. sigh.

Does anyone else remember the $300 check each of us received from George Bush right after he took office? It was meant to help ease our "tax burden". What it really ended up being was a limp, dehydrated carrot being dangled in front of us so we wouldn't notice the huge tax cuts he installed for the upper upper class.

Fast forward to current day, and here we go again. You most likely have heard that Bush has rolled out an economic stimulus plan for us commoners. It could result in and $800 shot into each of our bank accounts. Now, according to his plan, we are expected to run out and spend it, thereby boosting the economy. I won't pretend to understand how me spending even more money at Best Buy helps anyone.
(In truth what should happen is that we all put it into a high yielding money market account and watch it grow into something that can actually be used to help each of us in our later life, because most likely the money is coming right out of the Social Security coffers. fat chance on any of us doing that.)
This whole thing sounds like another case of Bush doing the easy thing as opposed to doing the right thing. Repealing tax breaks for the ultra wealthy, and ending the war are the real answers.
blah blah blah. SSDD.

Ahh, the sanctity of almost marriage...

Donkey

Anyone else find it interesting and hypocritical that the lead story on the network news Monday night was the fact that the perceived Ice Princess, Hillary Clinton, appeared to show some emotion while addressing supporters at a coffee shop stop in New Hampshire?

my thoughts:

• the media has been drooling for this moment. It's a win-win for them in the form of a two pathed storyline. #1 "The Robot Cries" or #2 "An Emotional Wreck" What freedom of choice!!!


• really, Hillary was screwed either way on this lapse of emotionlessness (word?)


• did any of us hear a peep about the fact that Mitt Romney cried THREE times in front of supporters including on "Meet the Press" in the last couple of months? Hmmmm...?


• do you think the emotion Hillary shared set her up for this moment?


• We will never be able to elect the first female president, whether it's Hillary or not, as long as we continue to choose the side of cattiness, hypocrisy, and insecurity. Women could very well be the group that puts Hill in the White House, but we could also be the group that eats it's own. Case in point: Maureen Dowd

Discuss.

makes my heart swell with pride

If you are watching all the debate and caucus hoopla, and find yourself confused about for whom to cast a vote of support, please remember and feel proud that this gem is no longer a choice. Remember to pause the music on the sidebar!

wow. we are really de-evolving aren't we?

Happy Birthday jennyb!

Lost Slide from "An Inconvenient Truth"

I'm generally not one to fall prey to negative attack ads between political candidates, but I will admit that the distasteful way Barack Obama has reduced Hillary Clinton's relationship with Benazir Bhutto down to "tea", rubbed me the wrong way.

If you don't have the experience, just avoid the topic. It works for Mike Huckabee.

"I am not consumed by personal ambition,"

Well I guess old "Lazy Like A Fox" just shot himself in the foot.

I know it seems like I am a bit obsessed with the recent assassination of Benazir Bhutto. (I hear the whispers.)
Maybe I am. But, these events have made me think about the adversity that greets those who want to affect change. Just take a moment to think of those in history that have been assassinated. Lincoln, Kennedy, King, Kennedy...it just makes me sad that another voice has been silenced, and worried for those who are still brave enough to speak for what is right.

I know that Bhutto's administration wasn't perfect. No politician, no matter where in the world, is perfect and clean. I think what matters is the intention. What are the intentions of our current leaders vs. the intentions of those willing to bring about change?

Winner of the most disrespectful use of a foreign leader's assassination for political gain:

Mike Huckabee

"Huckabee Warns of "Unusual Activity of Pakistanis" Coming Into the U.S."

crass. tasteless. rude. disrespectful. un-Christian.

The news from Pakistan the last couple of days has been grim. It is so hard to watch a country torn in two, and clearly experiencing a vast amount of pain.
Most look at the footage of the streets of Karachi and Rawalpindi and think that "those people are savages" and "uncivilized". I hear it uttered. You know you have too.
I submit another vision of the passionate demonstrations in Pakistan:
These people actually care about what is going on in their country. They want their voices to be heard. They realize the injustice that has been thrust upon them, and they need to let everyone know that they care.
They may be destroying millions of dollars in property, some lives are being lost, and ultimately nothing will bring their martyred leader back, but when the dust settles the people of Pakistan can feel proud of the fact that they spoke out and voiced their grief, outrage and concern.

It's more than I can say for those of us here in the Good Ole' US of A. If something like that were to happen here, we'd be in crisis over whether to tear ourselves away from Fox News or possibly miss American Idol or America's Next Fattest Fatty.

I find it interesting that one of the prevailing headlines today regarding Benazir Bhutto's death and our presidential hopefuls include how Hillary and Barack are benefiting from this tragic event. Much was made of statements from both candidates regarding the happenings although I expected as much. Each needs to show strength in regards to situations like these. I personally didn't find anything offensive at the onset. *more on that later*
I also found it comforting to know that John Edwards immediately made a phone call to Musharraf himself to urge the dictator to go ahead with the elections planned for January 8th. Nice touch. Also seen coming from a mile away was Rudy's brisk comments regarding the events. Surprise, surprise, he wasted no time linking extremism, terrorism, and 9/11 to this event thereby making him the best candidate with the biggest penis, er... I mean toughest stance on terror.

"Vote for me!"

In the meantime, not many are reporting on Republican frontrunner Mike Huckabee's reaction to Bhutto's death. This guy is a buffoon on foreign policy. Maybe that is why he is the GOP frontrunner...hmmm. Watch his reaction to Benazir's death.

Benazir Bhutto 1953-2007

This headline hit me like a ton of bricks.

I am so saddened by the cowardice of ignorant people.

I am so saddened by the fact that my second emotions over this event were fear and uncertainty.

Fear that this could occur anywhere.

Uncertainty that this could never happen here.

Merry Christmas!

It would be great if Christmas would hurry up and get here already! For the last 5 days I have been heard uttering the words, "I just have one more thing to do." The problem with that statement is that I get the one thing done and then 2 or more slip in to take up residency. As of this morning I have vowed to stop watching live television and not look at any sale papers!

I figure if I can sequester myself enough, Christmas will get here and I won't be tempted to go out looking for that "one more thing".

Nevermind the fact that I was fop slapped in the face today for getting shopping done last weekend (late shopping by most standards) when the Best Buy flyer boasted awesome sale prices on things I already bought at full price! So you know me, Scrooge McDuck, I went around getting price matches! (squeaking noise courtesy of my cheeks!)

Lucky me. I got to stand behind this guy at Best Buy for 10 minutes!

modern day mix tape

Wednesday, DEC 19th, 5:50am
It's my birthday. For the most part birthdays, especially my own, don't get me all giddy inside. I'm not the sort to walk around in anticipation the entire day hoping for a big surprise, or become crestfallen when none surface. I'm pretty low maintenance when it comes to my "special day" don't worry. I make up for it in other areas!
My girl knows this about me, but still manages to blow me away via the most simple tried and true method---music. It gets me everytime.
We've been together for almost 15 years. Back in the day, a part of our courtship included mix tapes. Remember those? As time and technology progressed our love letters moved to CD's. We've got many versions for many occasions. Music is a big part of our lives together.
I'm saying all that to say this: I'm sitting here since 5:15 am alone with my birthday present from my girl. A new iPhone. The box said to "hit the button and follow the instructions" What has happened in the last 45 minutes has to be one of the best ways to start any day, not to mention a birthday: a cavalcade of love songs that have made me bawl like a baby, laugh, and thank God I found her.
modern day mix tape.

Okay, I know I'm a geek, but I found the most intriguing site last week that, to me, is pretty cool and exciting. It's called Layer Tennis and this is it in a nutshell:

Two artists (or two small teams of artists) will swap a file back and forth in real-time, adding to and embellishing the work. Each artist gets fifteen minutes to complete a “volley” and then we post that to the site. A third participant, a writer, provides play-by-play commentary on the action, as it happens. The matches last for ten volleys and when it’s complete we declare a winner.

It really is fun and exciting to see what these artists can do in a span of 15 minutes per volley. The next match is Friday 2pm Chicago time. Check it out! If you can't catch it live you can still see the results. You can see results of earlier matches as well.

Just thought I'd share.

missed it by that much

I might be wrong in feeling this, but I can't help but think it was a blessing in disguise that Al Gore had the 2000 election stolen from him. (gasp!)

I mean read the headlines. Joe Lieberman, Al Gore's running-mate in 2000, has turned out to be a hard core Republican even though he insists he's an independent. He is set to endorse John McCain today for goodness sake!

Now that I think about it, today's announcement from Joe shouldn't really surprise me so much since my impressions of both Joe and John McCain are similar in nature. They are both like farts in a windstorm...you never know which way they will go.

The Law of Attraction

Okay, so some of you know that we have been watching the house across the street, which has been on the market for a few months, hoping that when someone finally buys it, they will be of a particular ilk, type, and style. (Don't look down on us! You all do it too. Whether it is a house, an apartment, a dorm room, or a seat at the movie theatre for that matter!)
Practicing the Law of Attraction, we devised a list of who would move in across from us and help keep our street cohesive (read: quiet, old, quiet, responsible, and quiet):

• retired, or empty-nesters
• a gay, male couple
• middle-aged
• childless
• big, burly, take-no-shit-retired policeman (to help with the doofs beside us)

Now, stand in amazement as I describe our new neighbors that will be moving into the house across the street from us in February:

• retired Navy Officer and his partner, Monroe
• a gay, male couple
• both appear to be in their 50's
• no children, two Boston Terriers
• average sized, but most likely knows how to be a no-shit-taker when needed being as he's retired Navy

People! I am not kidding you on this! I keep looking out the window to make sure "Monroe" is really a guy and not just a burly girl, (although that would work too!) but since Monroe has a beard, I'm guessing we are good on the guy part! This stuff works! We got exactly what we wished for!!

So here is proof that "The Secret" works! The Law of Attraction works! Quantum Physics works!

Bush clearly hates kids and leaves children behind.

Cinderella dressed in yella,went upstairs...

Most of my week blogwise has been spent trying to figure out when is the best time to enter in the game of jump rope currently happening on the campaign trail.

Just when I think I'm ready to say something, the headline changes and sometimes my mind changes. One thing that hasn't changed this week is the glaring evidence that we are just too damn focused on a candidate's religion. Jeeez! I'm so sick of reading/hearing about a candidate's faith. Good Lord! Does anyone remember the idea of separation of church and state? It seems to me that we've forgotten all about it in the last several years because the line has been completely erased. So this kind of behavior is just status quo.

If we're going to focus so much on the topic of a candidate's religion, let's keep in mind what that has gotten us in recent years. We've got a Supreme Court stacked with wingnuts, James Dobson roaming the halls of the west wing, and a president who most likely hides his coke vials in a secret compartment of his Bible, all the while hiding behind the cloak of religion. Walk the walk, big boy!

I'll take it

(please read this post with a hint of sarcasm!)

I have no idea how this is measured, but apparently my blog reading level is that of a GENIUS!

Whuuuut?!! You know guys, that makes you genius material as well because you read my blabber! Congrats!

So in case you were waiting for some validation/recommendation/referral to tell all your friends about my ranting, wait no more! It's official....we (me and all 5 of you) are smart!

Check out other sites you visit for their readability rating!

heads up

If tomorrow you are watching ___________ news show (fill in the blank with your show of choice) and my face appears, it will be because I have gone next door and killed the neighbor who thinks it is cool to leave her fucking dog outside to bark incessantly. Apparently SHE doesn't want to hear the dog bark either so she leaves it outside to annoy the shit out of everyone within earshot. Here's a tip Cookie---train the fucking beast and she will mind you and not bark in the house like some unruly wolfchild found in the wild.
I'm just sayin'.

Zombies vanquished...I think...

Okay, it looks like my PC is going to play nice at least for now. It may have had something to do with the fact that I threatened to take a Louisville Slugger to it if it didn't quit pretending to have been invaded by zombies (refer to previous post)

So with that, let me get right to the stupidity that is our president and his awesome press conference yesterday regarding Iran and the National Intelligence Estimate findings:

BIG FAT LIAR

"Nothing has changed in this NIE that says, `OK, why don't we just stop worrying about it?' Quite the contrary. I think the NIE makes it clear that Iran needs to be taken seriously as a threat to peace," Bush said. "My opinion hasn't changed."

So basically what this idiot is preaching is that the NIE is a load of crap because it doesn't come to the war drum, pick up a stick, and join the beating. We're supposed to believe him? Haven't we heard this song before? I know it's lame duck time, but this bunch needs to get a new bag of tricks. I'm bored.

Meanwhile, the new sweetheart of the GOP seems to be as equally informed on the subject of Iran. Hey Mikey! You might want to pick up a paper now and then or at least eavesdrop in the halls of Washington.

bowl of brains at the front door

My computer is on the fritz...again. I just got it back from the Geek Squad yesterday because it started doing the same stuff as it did last month so I took it back in. I'm trying to be patient, not at all my best feature, but it looks like they hooked it up to some diagnostics and assumed it was okay. Obviously not the case. As soon as I plugged it in at home it started the usual behavior. I admit that I may have called those kids at the Geek Desk a few names. Words were shouted. Blood pressure rose. Feelings were hurt. Mainly mine.

What's a girl to do when it seems her computer is a zombie?